connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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