Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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