This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My penis needs a shock collar
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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