did you get engaged???
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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