I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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