I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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