Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize