Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have aggressive nipples.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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