turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
