I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
