the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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