the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
we're so committed to being not committed
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