So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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