it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
