I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
