I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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