There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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