Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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