before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
