i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
