What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
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Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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