Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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