I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
