i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
