She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
