ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize