we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
