I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
