you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
