For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
