Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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