Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She needs sedatives and a leash
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
