Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
