Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
