My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
