Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead