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• (727): View more from Florida

  i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,

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• (361): View more from Texas

  I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?

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• (315): View more from New York

  Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.

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• (518): View more from New York

  Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out

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• (831): View more from California

  Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (510): View more from California

  A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out

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• (361): View more from Texas

  I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.

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• (585): View more from New York

  The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.

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