So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"