a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
