Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.