I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
