she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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