Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
