You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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