Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
