saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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