That's when you crack a 10am beer
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
