We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
