I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
