I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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