I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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