Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
