Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
