what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sext me about skeletons
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My bed smells like the plague
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
