Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
