So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
