I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
