He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
