There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
