you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
be right there i have to get my cape
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
