Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
