I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
