Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
