I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize