1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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