That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
